Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
