So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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