My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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