Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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