Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
