a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
