she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
so let's talk penis.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
