so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
