his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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