Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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