This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Randomize
