I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
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