Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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