Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
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