i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
