He uses pillows to masturbate.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
