So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
