We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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