My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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