It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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