respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
did you just send me my own nude
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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