I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
