After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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