she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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