Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just found puke in my bra..
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
