I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
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