We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
