3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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