it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
