just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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