I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
