My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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