i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
