It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
