did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
