So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
