It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
