respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
