I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
