She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
