If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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