I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
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