How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
