just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
