we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
