I smell stomach acid.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
