batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize