So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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