My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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