i already hear my dad disowning me
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
