Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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