If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
sarcasm needs its own font
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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