Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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