i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
love makes seman taste better
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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