apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize