You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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