i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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