I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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