I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize