i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
