Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
